Halloween Do's and Dont's

Image courtesy of nyc.barstool.com


Wow look at Chays Halloween guide. Good stuff my man. For all you idiots who didn't read it, go do it now. That being said, here's my own advice Spark Note version, I didn't want to write a novel like my accomplice over there.

DO:
- Pick a fucking good costume. Emphasis on the "fucking". There are two types of costumes in the world, those which make us more burly and manly and thus more likely to get us laid and then there's costumes which make people laugh which can sometimes result in getting laid. Pick one and GO FOR IT, there can be no half-assing and lets be honest halloween is like 3 days long so pick 3 different costumes and bring your A-Game Finale on Halloween night. Anyways, if you want to go as a storm trooper to nerd out with your buddies cause they are all storm troopers, than go for it. Just don't expect to get laid in it, that's all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to hang out with the fellas and have a merry old time, just don't come crying back to Me and Chays when you don't get any because we'll just say We Told You So. So if you want to be something fuuny, go for it, but you better bring your best lines and best swagger if you're gonna be bringing a girl back with you. Case in point, my buddy last year was scooby doo like the full suit/pajama/footsie. Thing was hilarious and he also got laid after. He's basically a fucking magician. But unless your name is Houdini, I recommend going with the tried and true manly costume. Lumberjack, construction worker, spy, anything is good, as long as you have a good story to go with it. Just remember to be Original (to some extent), make the costume your own and be yourself. ALSO being a guido, and yelling "MUSCLE MILK" is no longer funny, that costume died 3 years ago.

-There will be a ton of girls dressing slutty this week. It's basically God's way of saying, "Don't worry guys, I know how to party". Every guy at the bar or party will be talking to every girl you see. They like the attention. So what do you do? Give them some attention, let them know why they should be talking to you and not the useless chump dressed as Borat craving for his own attention. Then when they want to hang out with you, walk away and talk to another girl. Do this frequently and contact as many girls as possible, again only to an extent. You still need to have one girl as your primary focus. I have to say though, look for diamonds in the rough. They will be there, they will not be dressed as slutty, but they will be looking fine in whatever they might be wearing. These girls will be tough to go after as they actually have standards. Get to know her and get her number, she'll be fun to hang out with when it's not a feeding frenzy. Plus shell realize you're the only guy whom she spoke with who didn't try to rape her on the dance floor on Halloween.
-Make your presence known. Make an entrance into the bar or party with a slight smile on your face and your entourage, look around and make eye contact. People will want to know who you are, who you came with, and what's the back story of your costume.
DO NOT:

-Throw a party after Halloween. This year halloween is Saturday night, which is as perfect as Megan Fox in thigh high boots. But on the years where Halloween is in the middle of the week, DO NOT throw a party the weekend after, do it the weekend before. Once Halloween is over, it's over. Screw the kids, this is OUR holiday, I don't want chocolate candy, I want Eye Candy in the form of slutty referees.
-Pick a shitty or not funny costume. Cannot be overstated enough.
-Get pissed off when the girl you've been eyeing the entire night has been with other dudes the entire night. It's Halloween, what the fuck do you think the other chumps in the room are going to do? Make your presence known.

I can go on, but just keep it simple. Ask yourself what type of fun you want to have, fun with a girl or fun getting hammered with friends? The rest will sort itself out.

Fellow Men, post your tips and advice in the comments section. Me and Chay's have got this shit on lock, but since we've never been wimps, there are those with whom we just cannot relate too. So share your stories of greatness with us.

But this isn't Chay's or my first rodeo, ok? So take our advice and remember There's only one type of party, the After Party.