Halloween is one of the greatest holidays known to man. It's a day to combine 2 of the greatest things ever invented: alcohol and skimpily dressed women. And, wait for it, Halloween is on a Saturday this year. Did you hear that, that was the sound of MJ draining a buzzer beating, game winning 3 ball...the swish, the snap of the net, the buzzer, the fist pump, and everyone goes home a winner. Because in all actuality, that is the plan right? Go home a winner? Well if not, it damn well should be, so lets get started.
Costume - You know the guy that has a great costume, he's either hilarious, attracting all the women, or both? Well he started planning it out about 2 weeks ago, so if you don't have yours nailed down, get to it. When deciding, know that you're wearing this costume all night, so realize you may be walking all over town, going into the bars, or you might be crammed in a house party with some strobe lights, loud music, and you're getting your freak on. So maybe that full body paint job with only your whitey tideys wasn't a good idea? yeah we talked about it. Finally, when deciding the costume, don't half-ass it. If you're gonna be a T-Bird, get the leather jacket, a pack of marlboro reds, and gel your hair. Don't wear a black jacket, throw on some blue jeans and call it good enough. On the other end, if you're gonna be Batman, Robin, or Peter Pan, then MAN UP, get yourself some tights, and be Peter Fucking Pan. If you go with dressing in green with a funny little hat, and call that good enough...that is where your night will end: at good enough. Remember how long is takes women to get ready, multiply it by Halloween, and imagine the work they are doing. If you put the work in on your end, you'll have a better chance of putting the work in on their end. Wait for it....see what I did there. Joking aside, always always always remember this: Look good, feel good, play good.
Women - Question: how many women did you see last Halloween dressed as the bearded circus freak, or with a full body, cow costume, or as a nun? Well maybe nun, but what I'm getting at is how most women will be dressed as sexy as possible, with the least amount of clothing on, so be prepared for it. For all of hitched up gentlemen, yes she will catch you staring at her gorgeous friend, you know the one you've always thought was beautiful, who you know you'll never have a chance with, but hey it's fun to think about? Wait, what? I digress, but for you gents, sure you can look, and you can enjoy, but treat it like the sun. Only a glimpse, because the longer you stare, the more it's going to hurt. Trust me, you'll get caught, your girlfriend with have had 5 too many drinks, and think about how awkward that fight will be in the middle of the party with the roommate standing there as you're accused of secretly wanting to be with her. Instead, enjoy the fact that you already have a great girl (I hope), who is dressed sexy as hell (I hope), and who you'll be taking home later to enjoy for the rest of the night (I hope). As for the fact that your girlfriend will be the viewing pleasure of many on this night, take it as an opportunity to boast, be prideful, and show her off. She feels comfortable enough to dress like that, then let her because she came with you, shes leaving with you, and she doesn't care about any of them, she just likes looking good (I hope). Either way, best of luck.
Now, for the rest of us men who, like this weekend is any different, will be attempting to wooo, dazzle, and charm a sweet young lady into spending some more time together, listen up. Just because she IS dressed like a sexy vampire, or cheerleader, or lord knows what, that does not mean she wants to go home with you. You still need to be the same handsome looking, fresh smelling, smooth talking alpha male that you usually are, well I am anyways. Compliment her outfit, but don't describe her as a hooker, even if she tells you thats what she is, its written on her shirt, and she may or may not have been on the corner earlier. Second, if you have no idea what she is, figure it out, like now dude. Ask your buddy what he thinks, ask another girl, or even her friend if she won't rat on you because when she asks if you know what she is, and all you come up with is a blank stare and some drool, you can assume how your night will end.
No comments:
Post a Comment